It’s Not About the Plan

Dec. 6, 2016 – Brian recovering (waking up) after an emergency wisdom tooth extraction in Las Vegas, NV. We were in route to a four-month epic trip to the other side of the world. First stop, Las Vegas for a networking gathering. Little did we know what was in store…

(This journal entry was written on our balcony in Hobart, Tasmania and edited today, Jan 1, 2017)

This morning I had a revelation in yoga class. Our teacher started off class with an invitation to sit in meditation and get present for the yoga. Within a minute of this tranquil start to class, I can hear two men right outside the studio screaming something in thick Tassie accents. It sounds aggressive and threatening, like a pre-fight challenge between two guys that need to settle something old-school style. What I’m actually hearing are two fitness instructors teaching a circuit training class across the hallway. My mind shifted from the chilled out place of settling into my inhales and exhales to a sharp, angry inner displeasure. I’m pissed off. WHY WHY WHY of all times does this circuit training class have to be in full swing? The yelling reminded me of the inner shouts that have been bellowing loud and long over all the glitches in our travel plans. The first curve ball came in Las Vegas when Brian came down with a cold…and then a toothache which progressed enough to set up a dental appointment the day we were set to fly to Fiji. The dental appointment in the morning evolved into an emergency wisdom tooth removal that afternoon. We picked up painkillers and antibiotics at the pharmacy and flew to Fiji 24 hours later than our original plan. Brian was a trooper through it all. With typical post-surgery mouth pain and a deep muscular ache on the right side of his neck, he pushed through our four open water dives, and we both earned our SCUBA certifications. I could see his discomfort that week, and I hated it that he had to deal with all that pain…this was not in our plans!

Next curve ball was the tropical depression that developed towards the end of our first week in Fiji. We were set to take a sea plane to another island, but the storm was to hit the hardest on that island. Our sea plane was grounded, and we were advised to leave Fiji early and avoid the potential cyclone. After a couple of hours on hold with the airlines, Brian got through to an agent and we redirected our flight to Hobart, Tasmania via Sydney. We left Fiji one week earlier than planned, and added Tasmania to our plans. Brian kept his cool and was so patient through all of this. I kind of lost it for a few hours…Brian would probably argue and say it took a day or so for my funkiness to subside. We rushed to pack and leave our sweet resort in Taveuni to make our flight back to the main airport, and we didn’t get to say a proper goodbye and thank you to some of the local people we got to know that week. In particular, we spent a lot of time with a local man, Percy. He took us on rainforest and waterfall hikes and invited us to his village…it was an unforgettable experience. Percy’s funny sense of humor, his family pride, and his kindness touched my heart. Seeing his family village and spending quality time together really made it hard to leave Taveuni. There is a richness and a simplicity in the way Percy and many of the locals live their daily lives. They have very little and yet are such happy generous people. We had the privilege to witness this first hand and be reminded of what is important in life. Family, health, laughter, and love. We arrived in Hobart, Tasmania on Saturday night December 17. We promptly located a craft beer bar, settled in, and listened to a local musician sing Bruce Springsteen. Sunday morning we shopped at the farmer’s market, took yoga class in the afternoon, and rounded out the day with a beer garden happy hour and Thai food for dinner. Hobart’s warm welcome helped to ease the disappointments of our shortened Fiji trip. Oh but wait…there’s another curve ball coming… Sunday night into Monday, Brian developed what we think was acute bronchitis. Man down for three days. Fever, chills, a cough so constant and violent. I think we were in five pharmacies in 10 days…scripts filled, over-the-counter meds, electrolytes, a humidifier. And to make it a little more interesting, I kept getting disconnected or was unable to connect to wifi wherever we went. It dawned on me, FINALLY, that once again my outer experiences were mirroring my inner world of chaos and disconnect. I can travel 1/2 way around the world (literally) and my crazy thoughts come right along. The thing is, I get to choose what I do with these thoughts. I can let them hijack my joy or I can change them. Why are thoughts so hard to let go of, especially if they are unpleasant, fearful, or irritating? What if I choose to see all these derailments on our trip as exactly what we’re meant to be experiencing instead of grieving over the unlived plan on the paper?

I realized I have a habit of sizing myself up and my day to day experiences in a similar way. Was this or that moment fun, cool, awesome enough? Did I do enough? Am I being a fun person? And on this trip…we have these precious three months to see parts of the world that we’ve never seen and reinvent ourselves. I’m aware of my anxiety around not being enough, not doing enough, not seeing enough, not being adventurous enough. What if I come home in March without answers to the life questions I’m looking for. ahhhhhhhh! These habitual feelings and thoughts can creep in like a mother lion hunting for food. I can get so frustrated when the plan on paper gets wadded up and thrown away for reasons beyond my control.

And so I am given the lesson of IT’S NOT ABOUT THE PLAN. It’s about making plans and then adjusting and flexing WHEN the plan doesn’t play out perfectly or even remotely from it’s original state. Life is about is living out moments that are actually happening. I get to choose how these moments land in my mind and what kind of filters or moods come up when I want something other than what is. What if I accepted the moments as they come rolling in and looked at them through the lens of acceptance and curiosity? Making plans is awesome…I believe it keeps us young at heart, sharp minded, and guarantees we keep learning and growing. As this time of year lends itself to making a fresh clean start, many people make resolutions/plans. Instead of holding on so tightly to my plans, I’m going to loosen the grip a bit and use these plans as a starting point. Maybe our plans are simply meant to get us moving towards the actual moments that happen, unknown before they come and even better than what’s mapped on paper.